The piece, Becoming Love, was inspired by my muse, Ashrai Riggo and her journey with Shadow.
I hear a lot of things about you I’m not sure I understand you or what your purpose is. Honestly I don’t even know if I really believe in you. You’re like the Santa of the underworld. Who are you? Where did you come from?
As I searched these questions for myself I feel a sensation in my body. My head starts to tingle, it is the feeling I feel when I think I’m in trouble. Shame is creeping in I’ll be found out. Am I busted? Or can I trick them into not seeing me? I know I’ll deflect I will turn it around to get their attention off of me and I’ll make it about them! Ha! This has worked until now.
“LOVE” the love that we are is forcing me to look if I am to have what I say I want. “Little girl get back here and we need to look at this.”
Love asks me "why do you sabotage your connection with me why do you push me away? Why are you scared?"
My answers are "it is not safe to love, you will leave me, you push me away, you tell me it’s me, I’m not good enough, I’m hard to love."
And Love’s response; “my child I did not push you away I only want you closer I want to clear all that is in the way of you knowing me. Other people who could not receive me told you those things but not I. I love through you they pushed you away because you came from me and they could not see you and feel you they shut you down. You see Child that unworthiness you feel isn’t yours. The feeling of not being wanted also is not yours. Yet you hold them as though they are. You see every time you deflect, distract, sabotage you hide in the shadows of a pain that is not yours. The others mirror that it wasn’t safe to love and because you were so innocent and accepting you accepted this too as your truth. I am here to tell you that I wanted you. I called you here on a special mission. I created you so I could experience me through you and you could experience you through me.I called you here because you are worthy and you are wanted please stop pushing me away. You are enough and there is nothing wrong with you. The shadows you hide in are cold and damp things cannot grow there. You are hiding because it is safe in the shadows. I notice you come out only for a moment then run back into hiding in the shadows. People can’t find you in the shadow how are we, you and me supposed to wake others to what they are if you’re in the shadows? We can’t see you if you’re in the shadows. I know you’re there. What do you need to come out? Safety?"
And I respond, “ I need to know it is safe to love.”
"Love isn’t something you do it is something you become. A returning become back home to yourself to where you were never not safe always wanted and infinitely worthy.
The shadows have served you to protect you but you’re no longer in the space where you need to live in the shadows. you are safe now and loved as always."