Inspired by my dear friend Tara, "Divine Fire " captures the essence of the inner warrior for self-love and compassion. Tara reminds me to show up in my messy authentic passion and love ALL the pieces.
Hello...hi...yes, you. I see you.
I see you hiding. I see you cowering in the closet and under the kitchen sink...small inside the cupboard. Crouched behind the bunk beds watching the shadows of feet passing in the hall...knowing what it means if they stop at your door.
I know you think you are invisible, but you know you are not...no matter how much you wish/wished this to be true.
I feel you frozen... making yourself as small as possible. Terrified to move a muscle or for even the whisper of a breath to be heard. I feel the tension in your very sinew...the raw ache in bones too tightly clenched. The paralyzing fear of the dark against the overwhelming horror of being found.
The juxtaposition of longing to be held by those you love/loved the most and the learned knowing that this is unsafe in a world where being seen equals danger.
I know you believe you are too much - that people cannot handle you - that something innate in you makes people do things...they simply cannot help themselves; and so you learned to pull yourself in so tightly that you've slowly been self suffocating. If they cannot feel you they will do no harm. if they cannot see you - you'll be safe. If they cannot hear you - there is nothing or no one to mute. A box of your own design in which you cannot breathe, where you chase your own tail around and around.
Far too early in your life you learned to detach. You learned that your body is unsafe for habitation, and so you left. You spent years...a lifetime really...standing outside of yourself and now little by little you are clawing your way back in.
I am sure now that even then, as just a tiny, doe eyed girl you were "sensitive", and so you chose to shut yourself down. Not understanding the adult emotions you felt from those in whom your care had been entrusted. . Intuitively knowing that the excitement in your veins was somehow misplaced and wrongly assuming this was all you deserved, that this was love. Too young to distinguish your emotions from theirs...no one explains empathy to a child.
For years when I saw you. All I could see was just one eye peeking from behind the veil, the door, the wall. Tentative, cautious, observant...always ready to run. These days I catch a glimpse of a joyful girl in a blue dress out in the forest playing & jumping with the animals, the sun, the flowers. Color all around.
I feel overwhelming gratitude at the depth of strength forged by one so young; I know it is you that saved me. It is your courage and resilience that allow me to open, to blossom, to emerge, to be.
I recognize the fierce warrior you became. Feet firmly planted, hands on hips, protector, and guard. Vigilante in your care of others & protection of me. You’ve done your job. You may rest now. I’m here, I’ve got this. You may release your resentment of years lost and what could have been. You are becoming exactly what you are meant to be. There is no need to fight. The struggle is over.
Un de serving
The time has come to let go and allow. It is not that you are undeserving and you know that. The truth is that you have always been a beacon, a light and a source of authentic alignment. It is safe for you to be, to receive, to reflect, to conduct & connect, to create, and to express.
You no longer need to cling to old stories in order to protect others. It is safe for you to want. You are worthy of abundance. You are de serving of love, as you are a vessel of love.”
24"x 18" Acrylic on canvas panel Contact Artist for purchasing and commissions