The piece, The Sage, was inspired by my muse, Sophia Hoffer-Perkins and her journey with the shadow "Unwanted."
You have searched my being and life for evidence for all the reasons why I could not be wanted. Pulling up stories and declarations of being intolerable, a burden, unbearable. That I must earn my keep because as soon as I was no longer of service I would discarded. In my youth you would tell me they would kill me, murder me with smiles of relief on their face that they would no longer have to sustain a falsehood of enjoyment of my presence.
I have learned many things about you. One is this: that when I have completed a purpose, disregard and release are not to be feared. I am here on purpose, serve a purpose and then indeed it is time to move on. That is no short coming of mine. That is not indicator of worth. That is simple truth. We come and go, missions reveal and by way of miracle completion occurs, that is actually joyous.
Another thing, dear panicked Unwanted, I have learned is this: That those who love me, do. They do love me. That I have heard and believed the faces, words, and tears of gratitude, appreciation, and desire for me. They were not lying when they shared with me that I am answered prayers. I know now that I had to want to love me first before I would believe them. That I had to want me first before I would believe another.
I also know this: I did not make up the game and story of being unwanted. This was passed on and down. I offer, I invite, I call blessings on the ancestral line of Unwanted. I recognize and give thanks for the uncountable miracles blessings we have received along the way.
I want me. I want me everyday and in every way I am. And now I also give myself permission to be wanted and to want. The spectrum of desire celebrated, allowed, cultivated.
Some days that is easier than others, and everyday I feel it. I want this sacred being here, always. I want this self, and want what she wants and I get her and I am humbled by that which she creates.